"The Beautiful Ones"

Although I don't mention this often..I think it would be an understatement to say that I have some pretty great people in my life... Last night I found myself deep in thought about a few things that have been on my mind lately. I've come to the realization that God has strategically placed certain people in my life for various reasons. I can literally count on 1 hand the amount of "true" friends I have...and the funny thing is I'd probably have a couple of fingers remaining left out of the count...Out of that number there's only 1 that surpasses the rest...a true gem.

Sometimes hearing about other peoples flaky friendships, problems etc. makes me sit back & realize how good I've got it...not in a self indulged or boastful kind of way but more so blessed. I'm blessed to have a BFF such as you...compassionate, honest & unwavering are just a few of the many qualities in which you posses. You've never judged me nor have I you... We've known each other basically all of our lives & I'd probably get a brain freeze trying to think of a time we've ever gotten "seriously" angry with one another. I frequently laugh to myself about some of the memories we've shared...

• the inside jokes..."Deputy Doo-Dog"
• the wack dudes..."Yo is that an Escalade I hear outside?"

• the random text messages...

Me: We're gettin' old...Somebody asked my age today and I couldn't damn remember. I was like 26??? Hahaha had to call my mama to confirm..smh

BFF: hahaha geah I never know how old I am...yeah u r 26 lol lol...

Me: hahaha I am NOT 26 fool...you'll still be on ur walker b4 me oldie locks....

BFF: I will be walking up to pay the last layaway on ur walker....

Me: lmao! throw some D's on it...

I've always been a firm believer of the saying "pick your friends like you pick your fruit!" It speaks in multitudes...Anywho you know I'm not one of many words so I think this song sums it up...

Thank you for being not just my BFF but also my sister...

~Luv Ya Lots...

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. {1 Corinthians 13:1-8a and 13}


alright yall tell me what's so special about your BFF's???

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"Is Cheating A Double Standard???"

So I was watching TV the other night & ran across a show that featured a group of men having a discussion on relationships, cheating & sex; which gave me the idea for this topic.

Coming from a woman's perspective I think we tend to look @ cheating vs casual sex in a much different light. Is there really a such thing as "no strings attached" when it comes to intimacy? From a woman's standpoint my answer is definitely NO...We'd all like to think of a one night stand as just that...however somehow in the midst of the simplicity I think it's in a woman's chemical makeup to "catch feelings" despite the circumstance...Where as a Man can keep it moving without becoming the least bit attached.

So I posed this question on twitter; "Do men separate sex from emotion?".

Here are a few of the responses I got...

TCJFResh said...
"depends on if its casual sex or sex with someone you already are emotionally attached to...casual sex is usually devoid of emotional connections BUT once a man falls in love, sex can become more emotional for him than her...yes women do have that tendency, men can avoid "catching" when its just sex."


urbanbarbiedoll said...
" Well I know you asked for the fellas to reply...but yeah I do think many men can have relations with a female n never look back...And you know this to be the truth!!! I am one emotional sassy muffin so I try too hard to act just like they do HEARTLESS! For sure! But you know how they be acting all layed back like whateva...killing me softly...my feelings be sooooo hurt(sad face)."


rawdawgbuffalo said...
"yep cause we often think with our stomachs and our dic*s in that order"




Bahama said...
"hell yea it's easy...9 times outta 10 they thinking with the "other" head anyway.."




pinkcufflyx said...
"yes. I think men physically cheat i/o emotionally. They r sexual creatures, not emotional."



zillz said...
"for most men i know its easy. i also know women who can do the same. it seems to be easier for us fellas, IMO, because... from boyhood, we're groomed to bed as many women as possible. that's hard to do if there's emotional attachment...for the most part we cheer each other on. Even strangers. Women, again in my IMO, for the most part, shit on each other take every chance to down one another. "Oh she's a ho." Biologically, women seem to need more to get in the mood. A dude is ready as soon as he knocks on your door... so taking all of that...its easier for us because it takes a lot less for us to do so, internally. perhaps women battle more."


I think the answer is pretty much unanimous that we as females do "catch feelings" whether we want to admit it or not. I've come across very few women who can honestly say that they've NEVER caught feelings after casual sex. But the questions that remain unanswered...

Is it selfish for a woman to draw emotion after a "one night stand" or two?

Is it fair to consider a man"HEARTLESS" or "COLD" if he doesn't become emotionally attached?

What are your thoughts???

By the way today is World Aids Day...Whatever it is that you do....please PROTECT yourself & others by getting tested & knowing your status...More information HERE...

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"So You Want A Ride Or Die Chic...Oh Really?"

So I got a few things on my mind & I needed a little incite. I was having a hilarious convo with my homeboy. He was basically giving me the side-eye & said I was Trife for admitting that I wouldn't be down for my man if he got into an altercation w/ another brotha. It's NOT the fact that I wouldn't be down for my man...because when the time comes I'm DOWN like 4 flat tires...BUT I for damn sure ain't taking no punches for his ass...not from a dude! unh unh...no way...no how. So in the midst of this convo it gave me inspiration to pose one question; What exactly is a ride or die chic?

Picture this if you will

Scenario:
You & your guy are chillin' @ a fly little reggae spot around the way. The vibe is right & the atmosphere is perfect. Then out of nowhere some liquored up JERK starts making disrespectful passes @ you right in front of your MAN!!! Without hesitation your MAN jumps up like a Beastly Lion protecting his turf & asks "Aye nickka you got a problem?" the JERK then makes one final obscene gesture @ you...THEN your MAN promptly goes in for the kill...



While your sitting back in the cut sipping an Amaretto Sour & watching your MAN give ole' boy the ROYAL beat down you notice things have taken a sudden turn for the worst...


Your MAN is getting his ASS kicked!!! What's a girl to do??? You have 1 of 3 options...


1. Throw Dem Bo's: Drop that drank! Kick off them stilettos, Grab that bottle then get hood & hit that nickka upside the head wit' it...if that doesn't go as planned you could always jump on dudes back & bite a bitch...then once your MAN is free from the Jerk's headlock you & your boo can double team his ass...(LOL)


2. Call The Goons: Whip out the celly & call every cousin in the Trap...Rico, Big Dame, Pee-Wee, Krunchy Black & dem...you already know they are some certified headbussa's & they can be in the building faster than a crackhead snatching a wallet from an unsuspecting tourist.



3. Get Ghost & Disappear: Yeah you got your man's back & your watching it WAY back in the corner & underneath the table...No need in the both of you getting folded by Deebo's big ass...BUT you still let your MAN know your with him in spirit by yelling out an occasional "DUCK & WEAVE BABY!!!"...

Either way one of you is guaranteed to be leaving in one of these...

and the other one in some of these...

I'm not sure what classifies as a Ride or Die chic...But coming from my perspective I probably don't fit the prototype. (LOL)

pit bull in a skirt...nope not me...

???....unh unh

wouldn't even wanna make eye contact with her...she might beat me up just because....

Fellas be honest...would you be mad if your girl didn't jump in YOUR fight? I mean do you REALLY expect us to take a few blows in your honor??? Yes we want to know that you've got our back and I'll admit it's sexy when your claiming your throne...BUT...All I'm saying is please don't underestimate the dude your tryna take down...Because if shit doesn't go as planned I need to know what it is you want me to do...Can we come up with a game plan? A predetermined strategy? I just wanna be well prepared the next time shit like this pops off...(LOL)

And please don't be mad @ me if I decide to cop out...I promise to kiss his wounds & put the scooby doo bandages on with extra love :)

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"10 Reasons Why A Brotha Ain't Gettin' No Play"

I'm just gonna step outside the box today & address a few things. So the other night I was chitchatting on Twitter with my homeboy Chad Bell from The Concrete Journal. We were discussing the post he did on 'Ten Ways Women Scare Men Off'; which is a GREAT post by the way so make sure you check it out...So in the midst of this convo I was challenged...Yes yall challenged like a young rapper @ recess about to spit a freestyle...(LOL) So me being me you know I HAD to accept...I believe it went a little something like this "I challenge you to do one for the women. I would like to read it; as Heathcliff Huxtable said on the Cosby show(you know nuthin about this show young punk)....Chaaallenge! "....(wait did you call me a young punk??? lmfao) Game On!!!


Excessive Calling...
*****PSA****** fellas please take notes. True Story: I met a guy @ the gas station we exchanged numbers...he wanted to know what time I got off work, I told him 6pm...I got a call around 4pm...didn't answer...got another call around 5:30pm, nope still didn't answer...this time he left a voicemail "Odara this is ____ call me back".... I didn't like his tone in the message & @ this point I was aggravated that dude already called me twice after I told his ass what time I got off of work. By the end of the day I had 7 missed calls & 2 voice messages & this all occurred on the same day I met dude. The calls continued for the next 4 days then finally I guess dude got the damn hint.

My Point? Calling a girl back 2 back is NOT ok. We appreciate the fact that you're showing interest but ringing the phone once & calling right back just to make sure girly wasn't in the bathroom or something & couldn't hear your call...is NOT the answer...One call is sufficient, don't call right back leave a second voicemail & a text message expecting us to to get back right away. No Sir being a Bug-A-Boo will get that ass dismissed real quick.

Bragging...
Oh so your a baller hunh? 10,526 times is the number of times I've had a dude mention his material possessions throughout our conversations. He mentioned his bank account, the $6,000 ring he bought his ex, his high rise condo, his Mercedes-Benz SLK 55 & everything else I couldn't have cared any less about. It's a known fact that REAL men with money don't talk about money...it's taboo. Yes 'we' ladies like a well established man whose doing something decent with his life...BUT constantly bragging about your wealth & or accomplishments gets you that much closer to the Exit sign with empty pockets of course *wink*. Now if we were Trife & milked you for what you're worth you'd be the first one yelling "GOLD DIGGER"...And I can't leave out Mr. Important you know the dude who knows everybody...his other line rings & he tells you he's gotta call you back because he's gotta take Jeezy's call...(HAH) Nickka Please!

Mentioning Sex Way To Soon...
Lets Talk About Sex...yeah let's talk about it. Bringing up the nookie after only 2 conversations & a trip to IHOP is OFF LIMITS...(it's ok if that's what you like but don't be shocked when your a victim of the old hit it & quit it routine) Dude I don't know you & you don't know me; as long as we're clear about what your sexual preference is then I'm really gonna need you to hold off on the over sexualized convo's for now; we just met & unless your presence is hitting me with some of those old school Bille Dee Williams kinda vibes & the panties just melt off...then nah Bruh I'll pass. If that's all you can think to talk about then you have solidified the fact that the cookies will stay in the jar...

Overly Confident...
We've all met that dude...you know the one who's convinced he's so smooth that by the end of his sweet talking escapades he'll have our eyes rolling like three dice hitting triple sixes...NEGATIVE...It's one thing to be confident but confidence mixed with a little bit of arrogance & a whole lot of cockiness is a MAJOR turn off. You don't want to give us the impression that you think your the sh*t & a six pack of grape soda. Walking around like we should feel privileged to be in your presence....No Sir....NEXT!!!

Dropping By Uninvited With An Empty Stomach....
Oh you were just in the neighborhood? Riiiight Unh Hunh...Don't get mad if I don't come to the door...in fact I just may kill all the noises in the house & play invisible like I do when the Jehovah witnesses come knocking. It's one thing to drop by unexpectedly but when you expect to get fed...Nickka you better think again...Just because I let you in don't get too comfortable because I only cater to invited guest. Get your feet off the coffee table & stop asking about the aromas you smell coming from the kitchen because that sh*t ain't got nothing to do with you. Next time you'll think twice before rolling up with a stomach on 'E'...

Male PMSing...
Diddy ain't never lied...Bitchassness is a growing epidemic. Nothing pisses me off more than a dude who acts like he bleeds & cramps once a month. Men take note...Women are temperamental creatures...we can be as delicate as a flower one minute & bitchier than Prince breaking one of his stiletto heels while twirling to purple rain, the next. But please leave those characteristics to us. It's ok to be sensitive every now & then...I mean we're all human. BUT throwing temper tantrums, whining, started dumb ass arguments & having a 'moment' all out of the blue is NOT normal...Dude you can bounce & don't touch my Motrin on the way out.

Possessive Tendencies...
It's a known fact that men are territorial when it comes to their women; which is all well & good...nothing wrong with claiming what's yours bruh...BUT claiming your throne way too soon raises all kinds of red flags...I'm a firm believer in paying attention to the warning signs & some of you brothas are guilty of throwing out plenty of them. Scenario: You & your honey are riding in the car & you answer your cell phone...then all of a sudden the radio gets LOW, LOw, Low, low. WTF? your new dude just turned the music down & is trying to inconspicuously get an earful of your convo. after finishing your phone call he asks you "yo who was that???"

...later on that night...

Scenario 2: Your cranking up to head home from work but the car won't start...it just so happens your coworker Sean sees your ordeal & offers to give you a jump...you tell Sean that you've already called your honey & he's on his way but Sean insists on giving it a try...then your honey pulls up in time to witness you cranking up while Sean's removing his jumper cables...On the way home your dude asks "why didn't you wait on me? what the eff was that nucka tryna prove?".....Woahhhh....dude chill out you can't be serious...***PSA***Guys these kind of questionable traits will have us running faster than Tina after Ike told everybody to leave the studio when she couldn't get that note right. Questioning your girl about another dudes motives is NOT sexy...it just confirms the fact that your ass just might be KahRayZay!!!!!!!!

Too Clingy...
Fellas go sharpen your pencils & get the notepad back out....I personally can't stand a dude that I just met & he's WAY too touchy feely. Asking for hugs & sh*t & can't talk to me without touching me. And this is the same dude who always wants to be all up under you. It's rare that we complain about a guy being overly affectionate; usually he's not being affectionate enough BUT when the guy is smothering a sista harder than a turkey based in holiday gravy...that poses a PROBLEM...& Jigga What? Jigga Who? Dude we've been talking all of two months & you just tried to slip in the L' word...(I'll save that one for another post LOL)

Weak Dialogue...
Ever meet a dude who had so much to say but really wasn't saying sh*t? Limited conversation no subject/verb agreement...just a whole bunch of yappity yap...He calls you & you end up initiating the majority of the convo while he's breathing directly into the receiver. Yeah it goes both ways but DON'T call my phone talking about absolutely nathin'...because you'll be hearing the AT&T theme song quicker than a bill collector threatening to send me over to collections...(AT&T theme song=dial tone...4 the slow people lol)



Can't Handle Rejection...
I know this is a VERY sensitive subject for some; BUT I've gotta bring a few things to light on this one. Nothing turns be off more than a dude who can't comprehend the meaning of NO or Not Interested. And I'm not talking about some random dude who gets mad that you don't want to holla back...NOPE...I'm referring to the dude who does an elaborated 360 on your ass the moment you tell him something he's not interested in hearing like the word NO...Scenario: You & your honey are cozy on the sofa watching a flick then all of a sudden he makes a play for a little one on one love scene...your not feeling it so you tell him not 2night babe...then things quickly turn sour...all of a sudden he's not interested in watching the movie or sitting next to your mood killing ass...his attitude gets real janky & he's being short with you for the rest of the night. * OK TIME-OUT; do you really think it's ok to act like a six year old when things don't go your way...Not only is it immature but these kind of dudes specialize in pulling that tick for tack type of sh*t...keep having those uncontrollable b*tch spasms & I guarantee you'll find yourself by yourself...

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